Modern (mŏd'ərn) (adj.) : not antiquated or obsolete

-15 As a 1930s wife, I am Very Poor (Failure) Take the test!

Great (grāt) (adj.): notable; remarkable; exceptionally outstanding

"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. The mediocre mind is incapable of understanding the man who refuses to bow blindly to conventional prejudices and chooses instead to express his opinions courageously and honestly."
— Albert Einstein

Height (hīt)(n.): the distance between the lowest and highest points of a person standing upright; stature

Guy is a heightist. My future husband, the one who is a mere thirteen inches taller than I am, has a prejudice against short people. He seems to have gotten to a point where he can look over the fact that I am undeniably short and love me in spite of it but will never let me forget it. That of course doesn't keep him from saying at least one demeaning thing. Today as we drove he attempted to explain to me why I should never be allowed to drive a truck because he has a rule that if you can't see over your car you shouldn't drive it. With that said, I don't drive. I never learned. I tried and I won't say I failed, I just never invested a lot of time or effort into it. Sure, I want to be able to drive and now that I am planning my wedding I need to but the idea of driving Guy's Altima to will undoubtedly explode and fling my body into millions of little pieces all over San Diego County. Now that I've learned I am officially too short to drive the 4Runner I have no inclination to learn. He also holds the opinion that short people walk to slowly, which is probably true when one's strides are twice as long as your counterparts. I've all but given up holding hands while attempting to walk with him because I look like that four year old you see being hastily dragged through the mall and wonder why their mother ever decided to have kids in the first place. How did I fall in love with a 6'5 heightist?

Trolley (trŏl'ē) (n.): A device that collects electric current from an overhead wire and transmits it to the motor of an electric vehicle

"Trolley"

Silhouette (sĭl'ōō-ět') (n.):a dark image outlined against a lighter background

"Silhouette"

Release (rĭ-lēs') (n.): to free from confinement, bondage, obligation, pain

Cassius (kash'us) (n.):A purple pigment, obtained by the action of some compounds of tin upon certain salts of gold.

"Cassius"

Visit (vĭz'ĭt)(v.): to come or go to

On this road trip I actually visited four states that I had never been to before but the one in which I spent the most time would obviously be Colorado, as that was the destination of our Road Trip.

The welcoming committee.

Work (wûrk) (n.): exertion or effort directed to produce or accomplish something

I am officially the holder of a minion position at one of America's consumer gods. No its not Walmart or McDonalds or Microsoft which of course leaves Starbucks. I've been working there for a week as of today and I still don't know how to do anything. There are hundreds of drinks to memorize codes for and don't even get me started on how to actually make the drinks. I have to smile and say thank you to everyone even the people who are complete and utter jerks. I'm surprised they don't make me curtsy every time someone buys something which would wear thin even faster than the rest of it is. Good news is they were very understanding with my schedule, working two jobs and needing to have weekends off to be at home with the family. It looks like I will be working 16 hours a week there and another 16 at the library if I am lucky. The good news is I have a paycheck to pick up both Thursday and Friday of next week and money is nearly always good especially when you have month old veterinary bills to pay off.

Hope (hōp) (n.):the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best:

My faith has been exhausted. Hope is all I've got left and let me tell you, it is in short supply. I knew this day was coming. I've known for a week. I am waiting for that feeling of utter devastation to wash over me and yet nothing. I can feel nothing. I have run out of tears, but not for long I know. For the first time in a long time I truly believe ignorance is bliss. I've always been that curious kid. The one with all the questions; the just because questions. Now, I don't want to know. What don't I want to know? I don't want to know that my baby brother has cancer for the third time in his sixteen year life and that the following months are going to be hard on us all, especially him.

His prognosis meeting was today. He's relapsed although that much we already know. He will have chemotherapy, starting when his leukemia cells hit 25%. They are at 10% now. They caught this pretty much as early as they could have which is always a good thing. He has an echocardiogram tomorrow and after that its sort of a waiting game. They are looking for a bone marrow donor. I don't match although we do have the same blood type which may come in handy in the future. Hopefully we will get a more detailed timeline within the next two weeks. He can't go back to school in the fall and they've already started working with a social worker to set up something, probably a guided independent study program. The doctor are confident. My parents are confident. Spencer is confident. I am confident. We can do this.

He looks so healthy. You would never look at him and think that kid's sick. It seems like every few minutes I find myself wishing it was me. You know how people say they would take a bullet for someone? I would take a bus for this kid. I would take on his leukemia if I could. And the hardest part of it for me is that I am so far away this time around. Guy and I are planning on spending most weekends in Palmdale or Los Angeles with my family where ever they may be at the time as long as we have someone to watch after dear little Cooper.

For all of those who have kept our family in your thoughts and prayers, thank you and I would ask that you continue to do so. I will update this as time goes on and information becomes available. While they are not foreseeing a problem with find Spencer a bone marrow donor , there are thousands of people searching the database everyday for a match. If you are not already registered I would strongly encourage you to do so. More information can be found at the official Bone Marrow Registry Website, www.Marrow.org . Donating bone marrow is a simple procedure and almost always done through outpatient services. You could save a life!

Yellow (yěl'ō)(n.): the primary color between green and orange in the visible spectrum

"Not So Mellow Yellow"

Gaze (gāz) (v.): to look steadily and intently, as with great curiosity, interest, pleasure, or wonder

"Gaze"

Life (līf) (n.): the general or universal condition of human existence

I’ve lived a fairly charmed life. I had a happy childhood surrounded by friends and family and dogs. My mother has always protected us from the world while still allowing and encouraging us to us to experience it. My father has always been a child at heart, entertaining us, supporting us in all our endeavors with a lighthearted mirth that goes unmatched in my experience and always supplying us with the material and emotional needs we require. My brother Spencer is funny and sweet much like my father, and somewhat shy in a mildly socially awkward and endearing way. I am still ,to this day, best friends with my little brother despite the four year gap between us. For the most part, we have somehow managed to escape the sibling rivalry that people tend to struggle with throughout life and enjoy each other’s company immensely. Needless to say, my family is extremely close and I can only hope that if Guy and I ever have or adopt children that we will be so tightly knit. My love for my family, extended included, is surpassed by no one and no thing and only met by the love I feel for Guy, my future husband and Carly, my very best friend. My whole life I had talked about going far away to college, to Maine, to New York, to study abroad but when the time came to make such decisions I couldn’t bear to be more than three hours away from Spencer or anyone else I love for that matter but especially Spencer. Luckily for me Carly and Guy followed me to San Diego. Hopefully in a couple of years, Spencer will follow suit. For now, my family is a mere three hours away. They are my sentimental Achilles heel, my weakness. I am twenty-one years old and I still cry every time I have to part with my family, as embarrassing as it is to admit. Hot tears manage to escape and splash down the planes of my face, fast and hard, no matter how brave I try to be, no matter how hard I try to keep them contained in the too-small corners of my eyes. I realize there have been times when I have butted heads with my parents, mostly my mother, but I think that’s something I inherited from her, a deeply ingrained passionate nature and an unyielding belief in what I feel is right. My fight has always been stronger than my flight, although in recent years I have learned to choose my battles. Beyond those unmemorable skirmishes our family has always managed to get along fairly well.

Please note that I said charmed and not perfect. We’ve had our share hardships and bad luck. The death of friends and family. Family members who enjoys alcohol more than is healthy. Too many miles between California and the Midwest where the rest of our family resides. A brother who suffered with childhood leukemia for many years and now is on the cusp of learning what the near future of his health will be. Wednesday as I was coming home from a whirlwind road trip to Colorado, I received an unexpected blow. After a few years of good reports and healthy normal blood results, Spencer’s blood counts came back abnormally low. Immediately we were all sent into a deep dark hole of confusion, of unknowing. More tests on Thursday which came back inconclusive but thus far I am considering that a blessing. No cancer cells….yet or at all? Which is it? Guy and I went home to my parent’s house after work on Friday to be with my family and enjoy the comfort that only such close quarters can supply. And now as I sit in the car driving back to San Diego after a too short weekend I am waiting, hoping, praying for a good news but I can’t help but wonder is was this the last normal weekend our family will spend together in the following weeks, months? We went to see Iron Man at the discount theater, all four of us plus Guy and his little brother Luke. We grilled ribs and hamburgers while basking in the beauty of a desert sunset. We all sat around the dinner table enjoying each other’s company, wholeheartedly. Thank God for this weekend. Now, once again, for what feels like the millionth time, I can do nothing but sit back and wait for something to happen. I am both helpless and fearful. What do I do? The answer to that of course is nothing, I can do nothing.. Nothing to help, nothing to soothe, nothing to fix or prevent. Nothing but sit anxiously awaiting something. What do I want to hear? “ Just a false alarm guys, just kidding. We had you going for a while didn’t we? Just a painfully cruel, heart-wrenching joke. You may now return to your regularly scheduled, cancer-free life.” Or maybe just something about a clean bill of health. The truth of the matter is I'm here through thick or thin and Spence knows that but I'd rather the biggest of his worries be the dread of returning to school after a short summer than what he is worried about now.

Trap (trāp)(v.) :to deceive or trick by mans of a scheme or plan

My first ever tourist trap! On our trip to Durango, Colorado we stopped off at Four Corners which is the border of Utah, New Mexico, Arizona and Colorado. They have gift shops, carnival food and booths full of Native American wears such as blankets and silver jewelry. You have to pay to stand on a slab of concrete with a marker in the middle. Pay we did, stand we did and photograph we did. Here is the evidence.

Palisade (n.): fortification consisting of a strong fence made of stakes driven into the ground(pāl'ĭ-sād')

"Behind the Palisade "

Train (trān) (n.): A series of connected railroad cars pulled or pushed by one or more locomotives

"Iron Horse"

Smile (smīl) (n.): A facial expression characterized by an upward curving of the corners of the mouth and indicating pleasure, amusement, or derision.

"Smile"

Brief (brēf) (adj.) :lasting or taking a short time; of short duration

Just a brief update to let everyone know we made it here alive. We made it safely to Durango after a grueling 16 hour drive through California, Arizona and some of Colorado. We stopped off at Four Corners on our way through and have taken hundreds of pictures thus far. Today we went to Mesa Verde to do some hiking and check out the cliff dwellings and checked out all the local haunts in town. Tomorrow we have horseback riding in the morning, followed by some sort of concrete slide and after that rafting on the Animas River. We have packed so much into this trip I can't even imagine how we are going to make the drive home. Wish me luck with tomorrows adventures.

Pack (pāk) (v.): to form into a group or compact mass.

We are pretty much all packed up. The luggage is in the trunk. The cooler is full. Cooper has been bathed. We are a little bit late heading to bed but otherwise everything seems to be in order and that's what worries me. Isn't it when you feel like everything is going according to plan that something undoubtedly more terrible than being behind schedule chooses to implode? I can only hope that all is well in the morning as we head out. Wish us luck! There may be updates from the road and most certainly from Durango.

Mark (märk) (n.): a visible impression or trace on something

"Mark Your Territory"