Review (rĭ-vyōō')(n.) :the process of going over a subject again in study or recitation

As 2009 quickly approaches this is my 2008 in review. Ups, Downs and a whole lot of in between.

+What did you do in 2008 that you have never done before?
Worked two jobs
+Did you keep all of last years resolutions?
Nope. Some I did, most I didn't. 2 out of 5 completed.
+Have you any resolutions for next year?
Lose some weight. Get my BA. Enjoy Europe.
+What countries did you visit?
Just traveled all over the US of A.
+What would you like to have in 2009 that you didn’t have in 2008?
A husband.
+What date in 2008 will remain etched in your memory?
August 13,2008-The day we received the official news that Spencer relapsed.
+What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Surviving
+What was your biggest failure?
Not doing better in school.
+Did you suffer any illness or injury?
Nothing serious.
+What was the best thing you bought?
My DSLR camera.
+Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
John McCain and other various republicans. Most of the people who go to SDSU and everyone who voted yes on Prop 8.
+Where did most of your money go?
Bills
+What did you get really really really excited about?
Road Trip to Colorado
+What do you wish you’d done less of?
Drank coffee. Complained.
+How will you be spending Christmas?
In LA with the family plus Guy and minus the pups.
+Did you fall in love in 2008?
I was in love long before 2008 and but there have been many moments in which I fell in love with Guy all over again.
+How many one night stands?
Zero
+What was your favorite TV show?
Grey's Anatomy
+Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I don't think I hate anyone. There have been people who have fallen from my graces, certainly.
+What was/were the best books you read?
The Plague by Albert Camus
Sula by Toni Morrison
Things Fall apart by Achebe
+What was your greatest musical discovery?
Sea Wolf or Kanye West
+What did you want and get?
A dog
+What did you want and not get?
a trip to Seattle
+What was your favorite film this year?
The Dark Knight
+What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
21, Went to Joe's Crab Shack, had a margarita and smoked a cigar.
+What one thing would have made your year more satisfying?
More money
+How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Whatever fits
+What or Who kept you sane?
Guy, Spencer and a lot of coffee and tea
+Which celebrity did you fancy the most?
Patrick Dempsey
+Which political issue stirred you the most?
Gay rights and Obama for President!
+Who did you miss?
All my out of town family, Spencer when we were in different cities.
+Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned this year?
It is nearly always possible to do more than you ever believed you could but sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is take a nap.
+Quote a song lyric that sums up your year…
"Do not, under any circumstances, belittle a work of fiction by trying to turn it into a carbon copy of real life; what we search for in fiction is not so much reality but the epiphany of truth."
— Azar Nafisi

Fortress (fôr'trĭs)(n.) :any place of exceptional security; stronghold.

Under the pink quilted covers,
I hold the pulse that counts your blood.
I think the woods outdoors
are half asleep,
left over from summer
like a stack of books after a flood,
left over like those promises I never keep.
On the right, the scrub pine tree
waits like a fruit store
holding up bunches of tufted broccoli.

We watch the wind from our square bed.
I press down my index finger-
half in jest, half in dread-
on the brown mole
under your left eye, inherited
from my right cheek: a spot of danger
where a bewitched worm ate its way through our soul
in search of beauty. My child, since July
the leaves have been fed
secretly from a pool of beet-red dye.

And sometimes they are battle green
with trunks as wet as hunters' boots,
smacked hard by the wind, clean
as oilskins. No,
the wind's not off the ocean.
Yes, it cried in your room like a wolf
and your pony tail hurt you. That was a long time ago.
The wind rolled the tide like a dying
woman. She wouldn't sleep,
she rolled there all night, grunting and sighing.

Darling, life is not in my hands;
life with its terrible changes
will take you, bombs or glands,
your own child at
your breast, your own house on your own land.
Outside the bittersweet turns orange.
Before she died, my mother and I picked those fat
branches, finding orange nipples
on the gray wire strands.
We weeded the forest, curing trees like cripples.

Your feet thump-thump against my back
and you whisper to yourself. Child,
what are you wishing? What pact
are you making?
What mouse runs between your eyes? What ark
can I fill for you when the world goes wild?
The woods are under water, their weeds are shaking
in the tide; birches like zebra fish
flash by in a pack.
Child, I cannot promise that you will get your wish.

I cannot promise very much.
I give you the images I know.
Lie still with me and watch.
A pheasant moves
by like a seal, pulled through the mulch
by his thick white collar. He's on show
like a clown. He drags a beige feather that he removed,
one time, from an old lady's hat.
We laugh and we touch.
I promise you love. Time will not take away that.

Wish (wĭsh)(v.): to want; desire; long for

Around this time of year, every year, wish list requests begin to float in. My parents want to know, Nana wants to know, Guy's parents want to know. I often get asked the question, What are you wishing for this holiday season? This year I only have two things to request and they won't fit in the stocking hung on the mantel.

Number One: A quick, easy and successful bone marrow transplant for Spencer. If I get nothing else for Christmas for the rest of my life, this will be enough. To think that this could be to solidified end to his ten year battle with cancer is incredible and such a blessing. And a perfect match? 10 out of 10? What an amazing Christmas gift for our family and friends.

Number Two: A better year in 2009, for myself, Guy and our families who have suffered greatly in the midst of great joy this year. I hope the coming year is full of love, hope and a sense of peace that has at times escaped us in 2008. We have so much to look forward to! Getting married, Spencer's improved health, my graduation from college, a honeymoon in Europe, married life (a double edged sword, or so I've been told) and so much more.

"And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more."-How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Dr. Seuss

Eight (āt)(n.) :a cardinal number, seven plus one.

Jon and Kate Plus 8 is probably my utmost guilty pleasure (of which I have many and will be documenting here). Why, because the truth is I don't have a whole lot of free time and what little free time I do have tends to be spent watching Jon and Kate plus 8.

What's the show about? A husband and wife who accidentally ended up with eight kids when their attempt for a single baby, after having twins (Mady and Cara), resulted in sextuplets (Alexis, Leah, Hannah, Joel, Collin and Aedan). In the last maybe year, the show seems to have drummed up a good amount of controversy. People claim that Jon and Kate are using their kids to get free stuff and make money. My take on the whole thing is this,the kids seem happy and comfortable. A family that has eight children would never be able to go on ski trips, to go to Hawaii without someone offering to pay for it. I think the kids are getting to experience a lot of things that would just be too expensive for them to afford otherwise. People tend to be critical but I can't imagine that most people would turn down amazing opportunities offered to their children. I certainly wouldn't.

Why do I love this show? It shows what I would consider a real family, with real problems and real relationships. The parents bicker. The children fight. Mady throws tantrums. The little kids melt down. Despite those things, I really feel like there is a whole lot of love a long with the undoubted stress that would come from having eight children. The kids are cute and the parents like each other and care about their kids.

Sick (sĭk)(adj.): afflicted with ill health or disease; ailing.

I am very very sick. The kind of sick where it hurts to breathe and sit. I think I have the stomach flu which is well very unfortunate. I am home from work which means my paycheck is going to be practically nothing. I don't know how the bills are going to get paid this month but for the time being I am going to try to get better so I can go to work tonight and at least make some money today.

Cat (kāt) (n.) : a small domesticated carnivore, Felis domestica

Stupid but cute

Out (out)(adj) :to a point or state of extinction, nonexistence

I have run out of things to write about . I am in a rut. So, I ask you, what do you want me to write about? Give me a topic and I will find a way to write about it something before the end of the month.

Hoax (hōks)(n.) : something intended to deceive or defraud

Looks like someone with a good deal of spunk and html skills has pulled one over on Warner Bros. They created a website, Wonder-Who.com , pretending that it was a viral campaign similar to that used by Warner Bros. to promote the the Batman sequel, the Dark Knight over a period of a year. The tricksters revealed Megan Fox, known for her role as Sam's love interest in the blockbuster hit, Transformers, as none other that Wonder Woman herself. The Wonder Woman feature film in question has never officially been announced and Warner Bros. claims that the Wonder Woman character will act only in a Justice League film. Personally, I wouldn't mind seeing her get her own film.

Pancake (pān'kāk') (n.) : a thin, flat cake of batter fried on both sides on a griddle or in a frying pan

While listening to much music trying to whittle down our must play list for the wedding Guy and I rediscovered our extensive love for Jack Johnson. This is one of our favorites. If you enjoy it check out Do You Remember? and Better Together as well.

Interest (ĭn'trĭst)(n.):the feeling of a person whose attention, concern, or curiosity is particularly engaged by something

Develop an interest in life as you see it; the people, things, literature, music-the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself. -Henry Miller

Disappointment (dĭs'ə-point'mənt)(n.) : the act or fact of disappointing

I have heard so many people utter "I am so happy its over" in regards to the election but the truth is the aftermath has just begun. This election has been bittersweet to me. I never imagined that the joy I felt when Obama claimed the presidency would be tainted by the knowledge that Prop Eight, the prop that would eliminate gay marriage in California, did indeed pass. Now, it is just beginning. Appeals are already being made. People are rallying together in the name of equality!

How appalling is it that we live in a world that embraces hate and discrimination? And yet, there is hope. Yes, I said hope. Hope in the numbers. Prop 8 passed by a mere four percent and seventy percent of people under 30 years of age voted no. Change is coming! My children will be raised in a more tolerant world that the one I was. If you are a California citizen over the age of 18 and want to support equal rights please check out this petition.

Remember...

President (prěz'ĭ-dənt)(n.):the highest executive officer of a modern republic, as the Chief Executive of the United States.

Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek. -Barack Obama

Voice (vois)(n.): the faculty or power of uttering sounds through the mouth by the controlled expulsion of air

Don't let your voice be silenced!

Honeymoon (hŭn'ē-mōōn')(n.) :a vacation or trip taken by a newly married couple.

Last week we booked the flights for our honeymoon. Where are we going do you ask? The answer is London and Rome with a day side trip to Paris to take a picture in front of the Eiffel Tower. Ten days in Europe and all I can say is what an impulse buy. We started to watch the fares climb daily and decided we would be hard pressed to regret five days in Rome and five days in London. My best friend is paying for our honeymoon, or a great chunk of it. In fact that is the only reason we are going. Otherwise there would be not be going anywhere.

Now we are doing the rest of the research. Trying to figure out what we must see and where we are going to stay. Getting passport paperwork filled out and gearing up for what we assume will be the trip of our lives. This is an adventure of epic proportion. Let the exploring begin!

Itinerary (thus far, not at all complete)
June 15th: Leave for London
June 16th: Arrive in London (thanks to the epic time change, wish us luck)
June 17th: Big Ben and Buckingham Palace
June 18th: Day trip to Paris via the high speed rail, possibly an overnight stay?
June 19th: Tower of London and the Globe Theater
June 20th:
June 21st: Leave for and arrive in Rome
June 22nd: The Roman Colosseum
June 23rd:
June 24th:
June 25th: Return to Los Angeles via a stop in London @ Heathrow

Autumn (ô'təm)(n.) :the season between summer and winter; fall.

Mooch said it best. "Let the pumpkin pies begin!" Today we saw just a brief glimpse of fall. Finally after a sweltering heat wave with highs in the triple digits these past couple of weeks (which may I add is odd even for smack dab in the middle of summer for sunny mild San Diego) we saw a touch of cold and a touch of rain sweep through as either a tease or a promise. I am hoping for the latter. Now the weather has warmed considerable and dark clouds have moved farther into the east but maybe just maybe this is the beginning of something great. Thanksgiving approaches and with that the true beginning of the holiday season which I am ever so excited about. I have been tempted to turn on the Christmas music when home by myself but have yet to give in. The small snippets I hear when I'm out about town has been getting me by. I look forward to the upcoming year. Two-thousand and eight has been a trying one but as we progress towards two-thousand and nine the prospects of a joyous year is beginning to pop up. Spencer's current treatment is leading to the life saving bone marrow treatment that will bring healing and relief. Guy and I are getting hitched and as scary as that is it is ten times more exciting. I can't wait to officially begin our lives together. My undergraduate studies are coming to a close and the possibility of grad school is starting to form. Cooper is healing and is nearly back to his old pre-attack self. And maybe just maybe I'll have Obama to call my president next year. Do I dare cautiously say things are looking up?

NaBloPoMo (pro. unknown)(n.):National Blog Posting Month

Every month is NaBloPoMo and this month it is my turn. To be honest I am simply doing this as a challenge to myself. Can I take a few minutes out of my day everyday for 30 days in a row? Do I have the means to stop everything else I'm doing in order to scribble down my thoughts? We find out. Wish me luck.

In other news Jenny Lewis concert tonight @ UCSD!

Trauma (trô'mə) (n.):an experience that produces psychological injury or pain.

The last few days have been traumatic to say the very very least. While camping a drunk man wandered onto our campsite walking an American pit bull Labrador mix. The dog attacked our older dog, Cooper and Guy got bit in the process.

Cooper sustained extensive injuries but thanks to all involved (minus the attacking dog and her drunk handler) he is alive. His bottom jaw was completely shattered and he had a compound fracture. The veterinary doctors at the emergency hospital fixed him up and nearly $3,000 later our boy is at home resting and recuperating. We have been referring to him as Frankenmutt. Its obvious he's exhausted but there are moments when there is no doubt he is happy to be home and we couldn't be more ecstatic to have little boy blue home. His face is pretty messed up and its made even more evident because there is no hair to cover his stitches and his jaw is crooked. But, he's alive, has no spinal, brain, heart or lung damage like they originally feared. He has eaten his first meal in many days and I can't even express how truly calming it is to know he has some nourishment.

Guy is fine other than having a torn up hand, an allergic reaction to the tetanus shot and contracting some sort of bacterial infection. Unfortunately because he missed two days of work he was let go. Now he is unemployed and we are seriously crunched for money.

Side Note: This is not an attack on pitbulls. In fact, I have an affinity for the breed and think they can be wonderful family pets when trained properly and handled with care. Because of their size and strength when they do bite they can cause great damage. In this case the situation was faulty to begin with, the man handling the dog was not her owner, was intoxicated and obviously not familiar with the dog's behavior. The family is paying for the damages over a 4 month span.

Before and After

Chad: of English Origin, meaning From the Warrior's Town

This is Chad Vader. Like his brother he had an unfortunate volcano accident. This is one of many fan produced videos that can be see at BlameSociety.net

Vote(vōt) (n.) :a formal expression of opinion or choice, either positive or negative, made by an individual or body of individuals.

I've never been quiet about my political beliefs and I won't start now. People are always afraid to affix themselves to one political party or another. Politics are taboo and yet our politics tell a lot about who we are and what is important to us. There has been some interest in how I am voting in November's upcoming election. This is where I stand. The ones I talk about here are the ones most important to me in this election.

For President/Vice President : Obama and Biden

Obama has been my first choice during this entire election. I feel some of Hillary's promises were unrealistic, especially her time line for Iraq. Obama inspires hope in me, while I fear what will happen in and because of this country if McCain is elected. There are of course things I don't agree with Biden's privacy policy being one but there are many many things that would make in impossible to vote for McCain and Palin.

California Props:

Prop. 1: A Safe, Reliable High-Speed Passenger Train Bond Act for the 21st Century.

My Vote: Yes
Why: We need more safe, quick reliable transportation that doesn't rely on finite natural resources and continue to lease us to foreign oil. This would also relieve congestion on the freeways and allow safer freeway travel as a result.

Prop 2: Treatment of Farm Animals.

My Vote: Yes
Why: Humane treatment of all animals is close to my heart. I am not a vegetarian. I eat meat but while that animal is alive I believe it should have the best quality of life possible. This proposition also includes animals not used for the sole purpose of food who might otherwise spend their entire lives in cages too small for them to turn around it. No animal need suffer at the hand of people to lazy to heed the responsibility taken on when owning an animal.

Prop 3: Children’s Hospital Bond Act. Grant Program.

My Vote: Yes
Why: My brother is currently the resident of a California Children's Hospital. Every week I see children who need this bond to save their lives.

Prop 4: Waiting Period and Parental Notification Before Termination of Minor’s Pregnancy

My Vote: No
Why: I believe in a woman's right to chose, always, regardless of age. This kind of stuff is where botched abortions and dead teenagers begin to pop up. No woman should be forced to have other people making decisions about their bodies especially when it comes to something so sacred as bringing another person into this world.

Prop 8: Limit on Marriage. Constitutional Amendment.

My Vote: No
Why: Love is love. It knows no gender. America is built on the principle of equality and such principles need extend beyond class, race, gender and yet sexual orientation. Gay and lesbian couples deserve the same title and rights as straight couples.

Prince (prĭns) (n):A male member of a royal family other than the monarch, especially a son of the monarch.

"Prince John"

This is Prince John, a miniature schnauzer poodle mix that my parents rescued this summer. He is the sweetest dog. I took this picture of him not to long ago and really like it.

Camping (kāmp-ing)(v.): Lodging in a camp.

I am using this as sort of a thought gathering sheet for camping and informational source for all. For those going for sure we would appreciate it if you would chose a meal to supply food for and let me know what it is so I can update it. It would also be nice if everyone would chip in a couple of dollars toward the fee site which was $60. Thanks!

Where:
Sweetwater Summit
3218 Summit Meadow Road
Bonita, CA 91902
Sites 59&60

When:
October 18th 2PM through October 19th 1PM

Who:
Rachel
Guy
Cooper
Scout
Damien
Matt
Michael
Alma

Meals.
10.18.08
Lunch: Alma

Dinner:

10.19.08
Breakfast: Rachel and Guy
Camping Breakfast -> Ham and cheese sandwiches on Hawaiian rolls, cooked on the camping stove to perfection. Fresh fruit selection. Bagels and Cream Cheese.

Lunch:

Snacks

Laundromat (lôn'drə-māt') (n.): A service mark used for a commercial establishment equipped with washing machines and dryers, usually coin-operated

Love at the Laundromat
By Geoff Sansom


Down at the
laundromat
I'm watching
my clothes
tumble
and dry in
the steamy heat
grappling and groping
with each other
I watch my socks
fondle the underwear
while my shirt
embraces
the legs of my jeans,
and every item
seems to be
getting it on
with the sheets
throwing a discreet cover
over everything -
and I wonder
about all this embracing
and why what I wear
does not hug me so hard
nor caress with such care.

Scout (skout) (n.) :A watcher or sentinel.

This is Scout. She is a 5 month old miniature schnauzer (aka little hellfire). Don't let the innocent face fool you. She spends most of her time driving older brother Cooper completely nuts. So far she has been testing our patience and burrowing her way deep into our hearts. We absolutely love our new addition.

PS: sorry for the sort of terrible picture. She doesn't sit still for very long.

Concert (kŏn'surt) (n.): a public musical performance in which a number of singers or instrumentalists, or both, participate.

In complete an utter celebration of the Jenny Lewis concert tickets I recently purchased for her show at UCSD in November I provide you with some beautiful Jenny Lewis music via You Tube.

Froth (frôth) (n.) :A mass of bubbles

Froth
I am ginger ale
fizzy jumble of meandering bubbles
of thought and action
inconstant
easing some
making thick the distaste of others
so they expectorate
I'm out to fibrillate amongst other's\tongues
"bubble, bubble, toil and trouble"
zap
pop
sizzle
whoosh

by Sandra Subasic

Hospital (hŏs'pĭ-tl) :an institution in which sick or injured persons are given medical or surgical treatment.

After spending so much time at the hospital in the past couple of months it is inevitable that I eventually write something about. I love Children's Hospital Los Angeles, I just hate being there because it means that something is wrong. Spencer is sick. He is not at home filling the space with brilliant laughter and humorous insight. His commentary on the world has dwindled down a few words a few times a day and smiles are even less frequent. He is getting better. Slowly but undeniably.

This place is full of hope. There is the hope of a normal healthy life. It is replete with kids that will experience life because the medical attention they received in the hospital has saved their lives. It is a hospital where families find doctors who love children and treat them with the utmost respect. It is a place where people come broken and leave fixed.

On that ridiculously sentimental note I leave you a poem that is displayed in the garden attached to the hospital.

I am a butterfly. I live in the hospital.
I wear a red dress with silver glitter.
I sleep on a little couch made of leaves.
-Yajuira, 13

Shiver (shĭv'ər) (adj.): to shake or tremble with cold, fear, excitement, etc

Shiver
by Rachel Brandt

"Wake up. Come on. Its time to get up."
His voice is sweet and soft
Mr brother stands beside him
a twin born thirty years late
He is bundled in mittens,
scarf and jacket.

It is cold outside
the air, still and frigid
No streetlight
pitch black
"Careful , don't trip."

My breath comes out in
sharp misty clouds before me
Lying down, the concrete below me is solid
flat. Like a frozen lake in January
The crinkle crunch of my jacket
breaks the silence

The three of us, we lie in a row
Three tiny dots on the earth's surface
calm as we wait for the world
to shatter
Shivering, we watch, anticipation
a hand flies up "There!"
a star falls
burning out of existence

Out loud we wish on each one
"Its a meteor, you know, not even a star" I say
"Just pretend for a while" is his reply
So I do

Modern (mŏd'ərn) (adj.) : not antiquated or obsolete

-15 As a 1930s wife, I am Very Poor (Failure) Take the test!

Great (grāt) (adj.): notable; remarkable; exceptionally outstanding

"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. The mediocre mind is incapable of understanding the man who refuses to bow blindly to conventional prejudices and chooses instead to express his opinions courageously and honestly."
— Albert Einstein

Height (hīt)(n.): the distance between the lowest and highest points of a person standing upright; stature

Guy is a heightist. My future husband, the one who is a mere thirteen inches taller than I am, has a prejudice against short people. He seems to have gotten to a point where he can look over the fact that I am undeniably short and love me in spite of it but will never let me forget it. That of course doesn't keep him from saying at least one demeaning thing. Today as we drove he attempted to explain to me why I should never be allowed to drive a truck because he has a rule that if you can't see over your car you shouldn't drive it. With that said, I don't drive. I never learned. I tried and I won't say I failed, I just never invested a lot of time or effort into it. Sure, I want to be able to drive and now that I am planning my wedding I need to but the idea of driving Guy's Altima to will undoubtedly explode and fling my body into millions of little pieces all over San Diego County. Now that I've learned I am officially too short to drive the 4Runner I have no inclination to learn. He also holds the opinion that short people walk to slowly, which is probably true when one's strides are twice as long as your counterparts. I've all but given up holding hands while attempting to walk with him because I look like that four year old you see being hastily dragged through the mall and wonder why their mother ever decided to have kids in the first place. How did I fall in love with a 6'5 heightist?

Trolley (trŏl'ē) (n.): A device that collects electric current from an overhead wire and transmits it to the motor of an electric vehicle

"Trolley"

Silhouette (sĭl'ōō-ět') (n.):a dark image outlined against a lighter background

"Silhouette"

Release (rĭ-lēs') (n.): to free from confinement, bondage, obligation, pain

Cassius (kash'us) (n.):A purple pigment, obtained by the action of some compounds of tin upon certain salts of gold.

"Cassius"

Visit (vĭz'ĭt)(v.): to come or go to

On this road trip I actually visited four states that I had never been to before but the one in which I spent the most time would obviously be Colorado, as that was the destination of our Road Trip.

The welcoming committee.

Work (wûrk) (n.): exertion or effort directed to produce or accomplish something

I am officially the holder of a minion position at one of America's consumer gods. No its not Walmart or McDonalds or Microsoft which of course leaves Starbucks. I've been working there for a week as of today and I still don't know how to do anything. There are hundreds of drinks to memorize codes for and don't even get me started on how to actually make the drinks. I have to smile and say thank you to everyone even the people who are complete and utter jerks. I'm surprised they don't make me curtsy every time someone buys something which would wear thin even faster than the rest of it is. Good news is they were very understanding with my schedule, working two jobs and needing to have weekends off to be at home with the family. It looks like I will be working 16 hours a week there and another 16 at the library if I am lucky. The good news is I have a paycheck to pick up both Thursday and Friday of next week and money is nearly always good especially when you have month old veterinary bills to pay off.

Hope (hōp) (n.):the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best:

My faith has been exhausted. Hope is all I've got left and let me tell you, it is in short supply. I knew this day was coming. I've known for a week. I am waiting for that feeling of utter devastation to wash over me and yet nothing. I can feel nothing. I have run out of tears, but not for long I know. For the first time in a long time I truly believe ignorance is bliss. I've always been that curious kid. The one with all the questions; the just because questions. Now, I don't want to know. What don't I want to know? I don't want to know that my baby brother has cancer for the third time in his sixteen year life and that the following months are going to be hard on us all, especially him.

His prognosis meeting was today. He's relapsed although that much we already know. He will have chemotherapy, starting when his leukemia cells hit 25%. They are at 10% now. They caught this pretty much as early as they could have which is always a good thing. He has an echocardiogram tomorrow and after that its sort of a waiting game. They are looking for a bone marrow donor. I don't match although we do have the same blood type which may come in handy in the future. Hopefully we will get a more detailed timeline within the next two weeks. He can't go back to school in the fall and they've already started working with a social worker to set up something, probably a guided independent study program. The doctor are confident. My parents are confident. Spencer is confident. I am confident. We can do this.

He looks so healthy. You would never look at him and think that kid's sick. It seems like every few minutes I find myself wishing it was me. You know how people say they would take a bullet for someone? I would take a bus for this kid. I would take on his leukemia if I could. And the hardest part of it for me is that I am so far away this time around. Guy and I are planning on spending most weekends in Palmdale or Los Angeles with my family where ever they may be at the time as long as we have someone to watch after dear little Cooper.

For all of those who have kept our family in your thoughts and prayers, thank you and I would ask that you continue to do so. I will update this as time goes on and information becomes available. While they are not foreseeing a problem with find Spencer a bone marrow donor , there are thousands of people searching the database everyday for a match. If you are not already registered I would strongly encourage you to do so. More information can be found at the official Bone Marrow Registry Website, www.Marrow.org . Donating bone marrow is a simple procedure and almost always done through outpatient services. You could save a life!

Yellow (yěl'ō)(n.): the primary color between green and orange in the visible spectrum

"Not So Mellow Yellow"

Gaze (gāz) (v.): to look steadily and intently, as with great curiosity, interest, pleasure, or wonder

"Gaze"

Life (līf) (n.): the general or universal condition of human existence

I’ve lived a fairly charmed life. I had a happy childhood surrounded by friends and family and dogs. My mother has always protected us from the world while still allowing and encouraging us to us to experience it. My father has always been a child at heart, entertaining us, supporting us in all our endeavors with a lighthearted mirth that goes unmatched in my experience and always supplying us with the material and emotional needs we require. My brother Spencer is funny and sweet much like my father, and somewhat shy in a mildly socially awkward and endearing way. I am still ,to this day, best friends with my little brother despite the four year gap between us. For the most part, we have somehow managed to escape the sibling rivalry that people tend to struggle with throughout life and enjoy each other’s company immensely. Needless to say, my family is extremely close and I can only hope that if Guy and I ever have or adopt children that we will be so tightly knit. My love for my family, extended included, is surpassed by no one and no thing and only met by the love I feel for Guy, my future husband and Carly, my very best friend. My whole life I had talked about going far away to college, to Maine, to New York, to study abroad but when the time came to make such decisions I couldn’t bear to be more than three hours away from Spencer or anyone else I love for that matter but especially Spencer. Luckily for me Carly and Guy followed me to San Diego. Hopefully in a couple of years, Spencer will follow suit. For now, my family is a mere three hours away. They are my sentimental Achilles heel, my weakness. I am twenty-one years old and I still cry every time I have to part with my family, as embarrassing as it is to admit. Hot tears manage to escape and splash down the planes of my face, fast and hard, no matter how brave I try to be, no matter how hard I try to keep them contained in the too-small corners of my eyes. I realize there have been times when I have butted heads with my parents, mostly my mother, but I think that’s something I inherited from her, a deeply ingrained passionate nature and an unyielding belief in what I feel is right. My fight has always been stronger than my flight, although in recent years I have learned to choose my battles. Beyond those unmemorable skirmishes our family has always managed to get along fairly well.

Please note that I said charmed and not perfect. We’ve had our share hardships and bad luck. The death of friends and family. Family members who enjoys alcohol more than is healthy. Too many miles between California and the Midwest where the rest of our family resides. A brother who suffered with childhood leukemia for many years and now is on the cusp of learning what the near future of his health will be. Wednesday as I was coming home from a whirlwind road trip to Colorado, I received an unexpected blow. After a few years of good reports and healthy normal blood results, Spencer’s blood counts came back abnormally low. Immediately we were all sent into a deep dark hole of confusion, of unknowing. More tests on Thursday which came back inconclusive but thus far I am considering that a blessing. No cancer cells….yet or at all? Which is it? Guy and I went home to my parent’s house after work on Friday to be with my family and enjoy the comfort that only such close quarters can supply. And now as I sit in the car driving back to San Diego after a too short weekend I am waiting, hoping, praying for a good news but I can’t help but wonder is was this the last normal weekend our family will spend together in the following weeks, months? We went to see Iron Man at the discount theater, all four of us plus Guy and his little brother Luke. We grilled ribs and hamburgers while basking in the beauty of a desert sunset. We all sat around the dinner table enjoying each other’s company, wholeheartedly. Thank God for this weekend. Now, once again, for what feels like the millionth time, I can do nothing but sit back and wait for something to happen. I am both helpless and fearful. What do I do? The answer to that of course is nothing, I can do nothing.. Nothing to help, nothing to soothe, nothing to fix or prevent. Nothing but sit anxiously awaiting something. What do I want to hear? “ Just a false alarm guys, just kidding. We had you going for a while didn’t we? Just a painfully cruel, heart-wrenching joke. You may now return to your regularly scheduled, cancer-free life.” Or maybe just something about a clean bill of health. The truth of the matter is I'm here through thick or thin and Spence knows that but I'd rather the biggest of his worries be the dread of returning to school after a short summer than what he is worried about now.

Trap (trāp)(v.) :to deceive or trick by mans of a scheme or plan

My first ever tourist trap! On our trip to Durango, Colorado we stopped off at Four Corners which is the border of Utah, New Mexico, Arizona and Colorado. They have gift shops, carnival food and booths full of Native American wears such as blankets and silver jewelry. You have to pay to stand on a slab of concrete with a marker in the middle. Pay we did, stand we did and photograph we did. Here is the evidence.

Palisade (n.): fortification consisting of a strong fence made of stakes driven into the ground(pāl'ĭ-sād')

"Behind the Palisade "

Train (trān) (n.): A series of connected railroad cars pulled or pushed by one or more locomotives

"Iron Horse"

Smile (smīl) (n.): A facial expression characterized by an upward curving of the corners of the mouth and indicating pleasure, amusement, or derision.

"Smile"

Brief (brēf) (adj.) :lasting or taking a short time; of short duration

Just a brief update to let everyone know we made it here alive. We made it safely to Durango after a grueling 16 hour drive through California, Arizona and some of Colorado. We stopped off at Four Corners on our way through and have taken hundreds of pictures thus far. Today we went to Mesa Verde to do some hiking and check out the cliff dwellings and checked out all the local haunts in town. Tomorrow we have horseback riding in the morning, followed by some sort of concrete slide and after that rafting on the Animas River. We have packed so much into this trip I can't even imagine how we are going to make the drive home. Wish me luck with tomorrows adventures.

Pack (pāk) (v.): to form into a group or compact mass.

We are pretty much all packed up. The luggage is in the trunk. The cooler is full. Cooper has been bathed. We are a little bit late heading to bed but otherwise everything seems to be in order and that's what worries me. Isn't it when you feel like everything is going according to plan that something undoubtedly more terrible than being behind schedule chooses to implode? I can only hope that all is well in the morning as we head out. Wish us luck! There may be updates from the road and most certainly from Durango.

Mark (märk) (n.): a visible impression or trace on something

"Mark Your Territory"

Mingle (mĭng'gel)(v.) : to become mixed, blended, or united.

"Mingle"

Surprise (sər-prīz') (v.): to come upon or discover suddenly and unexpectedly

"Surprise Party"

Stretch (strěch)(v.): To lengthen, widen, or distend

"Stretch"

Colorado (kŏl'e-rād'ō) (n.): A state of the west-central United States, the 38th state to be officially admitted into the United States.

We are slowly but surely getting ready to head out on our grueling yet exciting road trip to Colorado this Saturday. We are leaving Saturday at 6am and driving sixteen hours to Durango, Colorado where we will promptly go to sleep. Sunday we are up early to go on a white-water rafting excursion and possibly a hike after that. Monday we are planning on going horseback riding and probably something else exhausting and then Tuesday its back in the car for another sixteen hour drive back. Why are Guy and I doing this to ourselves? There are a few reasons. 1: I have never been to Colorado. 2: The only other road trip I have taken in my life made me think that there is no way I could actually enjoy a road trip and Guy is convinced that this canon ball run of sorts will make me feel differently. 3: Guy's best friend Garrett, the one we are visiting, is moving out of the state in a couple of weeks and we won't be seeing him until the week of the wedding next June, as he is the best man.

We have made the mildly monumental decision to take our little dog, Cooper with us. After discovering that he was both miserable and making all the other dogs and workers at the kennel miserable last time we left him there, we have decided that it is better for his mental health and ours if we take him along. He will have to stay in the barn in his kennel most of the time but at least he won't be surrounded by the incessant noises and smells of the kennel. He loves the car so much that every time we take him out he makes a bee line for the 4runner where he enjoys having the spacious back seat to himself.

Tomorrow I start laundry and packing, as well as planning our three meals on the way to Colorado, as we have both decided fast food is the wrong way to go, money and health wise. We will have a cooler with us so we do have the option of keeping stuff cold. Does anyone have any ideas for food that is filling, healthy and goes over well in the car?



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Rolling (rōl′iŋ) (adj.): moving by revolving or turning over and over

"Rolling In"

Save (sāv) (v.) :to set aside, reserve, or lay by

We've checked off two more wedding tasks from our never ending list and after that we've sort of taken a break to relax but now I am being to feel as though we are falling behind. Now I'm not really sure where to go from here. We booked our photographers,Meurer Image, as they are talented ,friendly and came very highly recommended. We also finished and ordered our save the dates which look like this except actually centered...

Hide (hīd) (v.): to conceal from sight; prevent from being seen or discovered

"Hide"

Hot (hŏt)(adj.):having a high temperature

Today is hot. Hot for a day in June, hot for any day of any month in San Diego. Even the flies, who usually delight in the smells produced by the destructive power of heat, seek solace among the covered porches . They fly languidly,moving slowly, like surprise guests who happen upon a your doorstep only to find the house empty and then have nothing to do but shift from foot to foot and wait for your return.

Comic (kŏm'ĭk)(adj): Amusing; humorous

Comic-Con 2008!