Hope (hōp) (n.):the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best:

My faith has been exhausted. Hope is all I've got left and let me tell you, it is in short supply. I knew this day was coming. I've known for a week. I am waiting for that feeling of utter devastation to wash over me and yet nothing. I can feel nothing. I have run out of tears, but not for long I know. For the first time in a long time I truly believe ignorance is bliss. I've always been that curious kid. The one with all the questions; the just because questions. Now, I don't want to know. What don't I want to know? I don't want to know that my baby brother has cancer for the third time in his sixteen year life and that the following months are going to be hard on us all, especially him.

His prognosis meeting was today. He's relapsed although that much we already know. He will have chemotherapy, starting when his leukemia cells hit 25%. They are at 10% now. They caught this pretty much as early as they could have which is always a good thing. He has an echocardiogram tomorrow and after that its sort of a waiting game. They are looking for a bone marrow donor. I don't match although we do have the same blood type which may come in handy in the future. Hopefully we will get a more detailed timeline within the next two weeks. He can't go back to school in the fall and they've already started working with a social worker to set up something, probably a guided independent study program. The doctor are confident. My parents are confident. Spencer is confident. I am confident. We can do this.

He looks so healthy. You would never look at him and think that kid's sick. It seems like every few minutes I find myself wishing it was me. You know how people say they would take a bullet for someone? I would take a bus for this kid. I would take on his leukemia if I could. And the hardest part of it for me is that I am so far away this time around. Guy and I are planning on spending most weekends in Palmdale or Los Angeles with my family where ever they may be at the time as long as we have someone to watch after dear little Cooper.

For all of those who have kept our family in your thoughts and prayers, thank you and I would ask that you continue to do so. I will update this as time goes on and information becomes available. While they are not foreseeing a problem with find Spencer a bone marrow donor , there are thousands of people searching the database everyday for a match. If you are not already registered I would strongly encourage you to do so. More information can be found at the official Bone Marrow Registry Website, www.Marrow.org . Donating bone marrow is a simple procedure and almost always done through outpatient services. You could save a life!